


I Can't Live Without Him

by magicandarchery



Series: All The Little Moments [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Missing Scene, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 12:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9323162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicandarchery/pseuds/magicandarchery
Summary: Missing moment from the end of episode 2x02 - "A Door Into the Dark"





	

**Author's Note:**

> Emeraude tweets a still that was cut, Meg isn't in a great headspace, this is the result. 
> 
> I am ... I am very very sorry.

“He needs me Iz. And I can’t –” Alec looks away from her, inhales a breath before he looks at her again. “I can’t live without him.”

Isabelle looks at Alec with wide eyes, her mouth barely open as she holds her breath. She knows that without Jace there’s a part of Alec that is missing, that is lost, and that will never be whole. She knows that Alec needs Jace the way fire needs air to burn. So she slowly closes her mouth and steels herself as Alec lays back in his bed, settling against the pillows.

Isabelle sits on the edge of the bed beside Alec, resting her hand on his forearm. It’s not just to help put Alec at ease, to give him whatever strength she has – because she will give him all of the strength she can manage – it’s also her only tether to Alec, the only way that she can hold onto him.

“According to Luke, you need to stay near the surface,” Jocelyn explains as she holds the adamas stone in her hands, “if you go too deep, nothing can bring you back.”

“If you go too deep, by the Angel, Alec, I will kick your _ass_ when you get back.” Isabelle raises her eyebrows as she speaks, doing her best to keep her fear of losing yet another brother hidden, but it’s hard, so hard, not to show it.

Not that it will stop Alec if she does.

“Give me the stone.” Alec’s voice is resolute as he takes the stone Jocelyn holds out to him, cradling the emerald adamas in his hands as he closes his eyes.

Isabelle can’t tell how deep Alec is going to track Jace, how near he’s staying to the surface, and time seems suspended as she watches, horrified and helpless when Alec’s body starts to shake.

“Alec!” she screams, hand hovering over Alec’s stomach, her whole body frozen as to what she can or should do as Alec’s nose starts bleeding and his back raises off the bed with convulsions. He goes rigid, eyes rolling back in his head as his hands come apart. She knows she needs to do something, knows she _needs_ to help her brother.

But all she can do is watch, terrified, as her worst fears are realized.

She feels the side of his hand graze over the top of her knee, hears the stone clatter to the floor as Alec’s body finally stops convulsing, settling limply into the bed. Isabelle inhales deeply, exhales slowly right after, and it’s the only thing steadying her as she looks at Alec’s closed eyes, his open mouth, and the trail of blood from his nose to the top of his lip.

_Inhale. Exhale._

_Inhale. Exhale._

She leans forward and turns her head, resting her cheek against Alec’s chest as she clutches his shoulder. His skin is ice cold and covered in sweat, his breathing shallow, and his heartbeat is racing in her ear. She closes her eyes for a moment because no matter where his mind or his soul is, Alec is still here, still alive.

Memories start playing through her mind as her eyes stay closed. She thinks of the way that he would calm her nightmares as a child, the way he’s always been able to quiet her fears no matter what they might be.

She remembers the first time she used a seraph blade, the way Alec taught her how to hold it, how to move it, how to harness her angelic power to bring the blade to life; the way that he taught her how to wrap her hands before using the punching bag. There’s a specific way to do it, he had told her, helping her adjust the wrap between her fingers.

She remembers how Alec helped her choose the whip as her weapon and learn various self-defense techniques as they became more advanced in their training, the way he has always challenged her to be better, to be stronger.

She sees the look of pride on his face barely hours ago as she stood with her boot on that mundane asshole’s throat and she thinks about the way that he has never fought her battles for her, but has always been there to help her if she needed it, if she asked for it.

She thinks about the way that his arms wrap around her when he hugs her, how they’re strong and protective but gentle and comforting at the same time, and more than anything she just wants to feel his arms around her again, right at this moment, because she needs his comfort, she needs his strength. She needs _him_.

Isabelle feels a strand of hair fall over her face as she clings to Alec, clings to the sound of his rushing heartbeat in her ear, the shallow rise and fall of his chest with every breath he takes, refusing to let him go as a silent tear, and then another, spills out of her eyes.

 _Come back, big brother_ , she silently pleads with him because outwardly she will be strong even if she’s being torn apart bit by bit inside. _I can’t live without you_.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to yell at Eme for inspiring this. It is 5000% her fault. But if you feel so inclined to yell at me, I'm at @magicandarchery on both twitter and tumblr.


End file.
